There are a lot of stupid bitches in the world...

And I am far too trusting. Then one of those snatch face hos goes and stabs you in the back for no apparent reason at all. Awesome. This will be the first time in my life that I am going to seek someone out and confront them. I usually just bitch and complain but I'm going to tell this specific dirty hooker where she can go. 

Early Retirement

I got laid off last week, and I'm surprisingly not that sad about it. What are you gonna do? Anybody got any jobs they want to forward me?

I work in a pet shop...

And not the good kind. All I've been hearing for the last three months is the sound of sunflower seeds being cracked.

My friend Jessica gave up smoking about four months ago (way to go Jessica!) and in place of that oral fixation, she started eating sunflower seeds. Which is fine because she cracks them in her mouth so you can't hear them. HOWEVER, now both production people I sit next to have taken to the sunflower seeds too. I don't know why, they are both smokers and haven't given anything up. They don't have the common courtesy to crack the stupid seeds inside their mouths so all you hear is - crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack. They sound like a fleet of gerbils.

I'm going insane! I have to sit there with my headphones on to keep from snapping.

Being the Slacker that I am

I know I've slacking, I'm not very good at up keeping this thing. I also find it hard to talk about my life when nothing seems to be going that well. I just sound like I'm whining. Which I probably am.

I've been hitting the wedding circuit this summer, which intensifies the problem even more. People who haven't seen me in years keep asking me how I'm doing to which I promptly have to lie through my teeth to. I'm not good at this, it shows all over my face that I'm lying. Basically I'm tired of talking about my life to people. 

Advice to Live By

Don't piss off your boss' mistress, she will make your life a living hell and probably try to get you fired. I know this from experience as this is what is happening to me. Toni LaBitch who I sit next (I call her the Dirty Tramp, my mother calls her Slut Lady - you can call her what ever you like) was being a complete condescending bitch while the boss was out of town which I did not appreciate so I spoke to her in the same tone she was speaking to me - which she did not appreciate - weird. So she made up a tall tale about how lazy I am, how I don't know how to write, how I don't know to pitch, how I don't think in terms of the "Big Picture" (What the fuck does that even mean, I feel like it's a term that gets tossed around a lot without any clarification). Any-who, apparently I need to turn my attitude around or else. I personally would like to find what "or else" means. 

If I get fired, I get unemployment - can anyone say Europe. 

It's Snowing

Not cool - it's June!

We are expecting 3 to 5 inches tonight. I don't appreciate it.

I...I...I just really want to shake your hand.

That was all I could say to Bill Clinton tonight when I ran into him at the Mo Club. I was stuttering fool and it was AWESOME!

I was coming downtown with a couple of my friends, Kathryn, Lizzie and Lara, and we were headed to the Hodega. I wanted to park on Main because it is the easiest way to park (angle parking). People kept pointing out parking which I promptly ignored while I found a nice angle spot on Main Street. As we were walking by the Mo Club, one of us asked what was going on there, there was a huge crowd outside. Someone said, "Bill Clinton is in there eating!" I then ran inside. 

He was in there, eating a Mo burger in flood of secret service and camera phones. I pushed my way through the crowd and waited for him to finish. He was pretty much done when I showed up - he then got up and started greeting the crowd. He walked to where I was standing first! The girl next to me had clearly been thinking about what she was going to say to him. I clearly had not. She had a whole little talk that she gave while I stood there with my jaw on the floor. He then moved on to me, to which I said, "I...I...I just really want to shake your hand too!" He laughed because, let's face it, I'm incredibly charming :), and asked what my name was and said it was good to meet me. 

Best night ever! I've always loved Bill Clinton!